I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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