i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
