So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
