Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My life is pants optional.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
