I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
