I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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