I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
