that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
