He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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