So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I look better un-naked...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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