I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
