i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
