that's an acceptable place to lick
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
