Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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