look no pants
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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