I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
