You work out of a Hotel?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize