I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
