in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize