you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Let's paint friendship bongs
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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