when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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