I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
