Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
