She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
