I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
