Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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