long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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