There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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