Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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