Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
