We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
