Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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