ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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