Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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