I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
