FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
