I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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