omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
