Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
