there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
