I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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