I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
