im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
