Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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