i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
