i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize