Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
