I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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