lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
