You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
