Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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