Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
