Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You need a sexual gate keeper
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
