My brain says no but my pants say off.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
