Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
