i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize