so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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