her vagine was all disorganized.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
