there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
honey bunches of taint.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
