At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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