is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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