do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
wow bdsm is so cute
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
