suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
