Someone shit on the floor
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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