I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
