No stitches, just platelets and will power
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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