Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
