Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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