Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
