I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Randomize
