Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
