I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
