I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she peed on how many people?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
