Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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