Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize