'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
