Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Alive.
So much puke
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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