stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
