i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
