i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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