she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
