dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
