I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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