i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize