Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
