very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i out mim tonsoeep
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