You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
