Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
