I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
