Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
