The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize