I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
