summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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