Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
