His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize