I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
