i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
