just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
