AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
