Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
