Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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