eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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