the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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