Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
