you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
