She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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