she was so not down for the gang bang
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
