She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
