kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
