just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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